Gambling Blog: Did This Man Have Over Or Under 299.5 Severed Penises In His Funeral Home

Take a good look at that man. Study him up and down. And do not suggest he looks like The Undertaker, I will not tolerate that slander. So now, the question is- did he have over or under 299.5 severed penises, floating around in jars in his funeral home?

Let’s find out!

Fox News - Police made an astonishing discovery this morning while executing a search warrant at the residence of a Bloomington mortician: 218 embalmed human penises.

Authorites suspected 54-year old Paul Houston, an employee of the McLean County Coroner’s Office, of being implicated in an organ trafficking network.

Investigating several reports of missing organs and body parts, dozens of police raided his residence this Monday morning, hoping to find evidence of his involvement in the crimes.

“There were shelves everywhere, filled with hundreds of glass jars. Each of them contained a penis floating in formalin.”

According to Ramirez, the accused rapidly confessed everything as soon as he was arrested.

“He explained in great detail how he had been cutting off dead men’s genital organs and collecting them for more than ten years.”

Who had the under on 299.5 penises? You win! That man who definitely does not look like the Undertaker and I really need you to stop suggesting that he does had only 218 embalmed human penises. I didn’t realize the black market for human penises was so strong but hopefully you don’t need to have your dick attached when you get to Heaven. Can you imagine how terrible that would be? You finally get up to Heaven and you reunite with the love of your life and you’re about to have crazy Heaven sex and then you look down and OH SHIT

you’re a god damn Ken doll because the guy who has zero resemblance to the Undertaker took a samurai sword to your cock. And then the love of your life goes and has kinky Heaven sex with someone else and you can’t even kill yourself because you’re already dead. Thanks a lot, guy who in no way shape or form looks like the Deadman. Thank a lot.