Stealing $100,000 Worth Of Ramen Noodles Has To Be The Dumbest Crime Ever Committed

(Source)- Fayette County deputies are investigating a string of thefts that included five car break-ins, one stolen motorcycle, and one high-dollar heist of Ramen Noodles. Nearly $100,000 worth of Ramen Noodles was sitting in a large trailer parked at a Chevron store on Georgia Highway 85 north. Deputies said the 53-foot trailer carrying the noodle freight was stolen between July 25 and August 1.

Look, I get why people steal. Out of all the serious crimes on God’s green Earth, stealing is the most relatable crime there is. Every time I see an unmanned Brinks truck, all of the blood in my body goes south of the equator even though I’m wayyyyyyy too big of a pussy to ever actually do something. But getting a shit ton of money by taking someone else’s shit is the degenerate’s American dream.

HOWEVAH, there has to be a better way to cash in on a life of crime than stealing $100,000 worth of Ramen noodles. Yeah you will never have to buy food again if you don’t care about eating like a poor person until your dying day. But I’m pretty sure you could steal $100 worth of Ramen noodles without throwing a potential grand theft auto charge on your record and you’ll never go hungry again.
*Said in Scar’s voice when he tells that to the hyenas in “Be Prepared”*

To go back to that Brinks truck analogy, if I knew there was $100,000 in unmarked bills in the back of said truck and I had testicles the size of Big Dick Syndrome’s scrotum, I would put my freedom on the line for some easy cash. But if there were $100,000 in pennies sitting on the road directly outside of my house, I wouldn’t even think of lifting a finger to bring them inside. That’s wayyyyy too much work. The best part about being a crook is being able to put the occupation of “crook” on your LinkedIn page. The second best part about being a crook is to make money without working too hard for it. Which is why stealing a 53 foot trailer likely packed to the gills with Ramen is next-level stupid. Way too much work for not enough pay off.