Is Christian Hackenberg Too Handsome For The Eagles QB Room? Many Experts Say It's A Possibility
So the big news that sent major shockwaves across the National Football League yesterday was that the Philadelphia Eagles have signed Christian Hackenberg. Now the thing about Hackenberg is… well… I mean he’s not exactly good? He’s never played in an actual NFL game since getting drafted in the 2nd round by the Jets in 2016. And heading into his 3rd year in the league, he was traded to Oakland in May and then cut by Oakland in June, and now he’s found himself practicing with the Super Bowl Champs. But the other thing about Christian Hackenberg, which I think is probably more important, is the fact that he’s a super good looking dude. Chiseled jawline. Dreamy eyes. This picture here from the combine looks like if you told somebody to close their eyes and picture the perfect quarterback in their mind, then they open their eyes and they see Christian Hackenberg standing in front of them.
He may not necessarily possess the skill set to back up those looks in the pros, but typically that’s not a major deal. Looking the part is half the battle. It’s an old Patriots trick. Just sign all the good looking dudes and figure out a way to make it work. But that’s not the case with the Eagles. Or at least not this Eagles team. Because you look around at that quarterback room and I really don’t see where Christian Hackenberg fits in.
First up you have Carson Wentz. Now Carson is my favorite human being on the planet and I would take a bullet for that man. But that doesn’t change the fact that he’s a little goofy looking. I mean he’s handsome for a ginger but even the hottest ginger in the world is still fighting an uphill battle.
Next you have Nick Foles. Pro Bowl MVP. Super Bowl MVP. Still a total goober.
Then you have Nate Sudfeld who, as many have already pointed out by now, looks like if Carson Wentz and Nick Foles had a baby.
Then there’s Joe Callahan who is a local boy from South Jersey but I don’t think anybody actually knows what Joe Callahan looks like so we’ll just move on from this part of the blog. Basically what I’m getting at here is that the Eagles quarterbacks are all a little goofy in the looks department. And that’s why they all work so well together. That’s why that chemistry is there. They’re all pretty much different versions of the same dude. Think of it like Pokemon. Nate Sudfeld is Charmander. Nick Foles is Charmeleon. And Carson Wentz is Charizard. You throw Christian Hackenberg into the mix and now you’re messing with that entire dynamic. I just don’t know if the juice is worth the squeeze on that one. The only saving grace for this signing is that his name is Christian and obviously religious faith plays a huge role in the Eagles locker room, especially with Wentz and Foles. Maybe that was the thought process here. Howie Roseman and the gang are just trying to lock up as many Christian quarterbacks as they can on the road to the repeat.
By the way–Sorry to bore everybody with the analytical breakdowns and everything on this signing. I know Barstool isn’t typically the place for that.