Happy ESPN the Ocho Day: There's an NFL Blitz Version of Tag Going On Right Now And I've Got No Idea What's Happening

Happy ESPN 8 the Ocho Day folks. I have absolutely no idea what’s going on. I remember catching this briefly last year, but it fell on a Friday and I got distracted. Now I’m all in. There’s a game called kabiddi going on right now and it’s just tag mixed with red rover and NFL blitz. In its simplest terms, here is what I’ve gathered.

The basic rules of Kabaddi are simple: two teams of seven players each face off in a large square arena for two halves of twenty minutes each. Players from each team take turns running across the center line to the other team’s half of the court, tagging members of the other team, and running back.

So the moment you tag an opponent you have to try and sprint to the line to get a point. It’s the defending teams job to make sure you never get there, or just don’t get tagged in the first place.

For a raid to be eligible for points, the raider must cross the bob line in the defending team’s territory, and return to their half of the field without being tackled. Whilst doing so, the raider must also loudly say the word “kabaddi”, confirming to referees that their raid is done on a single breath without inhaling. This is called as the chant. A 30-second shot clock is also enforced on each raid.

So the tagging guy has to hold his breath while doing this? Unbelievable. What a sport. Give me kabiddi every single work day at 1:00. Or at night at like midnight. Being stoned watching this must be fantastic. Not that I do the drugs, but if I dabbled this would be ideal for my viewing eyes.

We’ve got light saber fighting at 2:00 and chess boxing at 5:00. Yeah you play chess and punch your opponent. That’s going to happen. Fuck ESPN for everything except for today, although they still manage to botch this day up by not paying Jason Bateman and Gary Cole for the day to announce this shit as Pepper Brooks and Cotton McKnight.