The Real Story Last Night Was That Jonathan Lucroy Was Tipping Adam Wainwright's Pitches And Single-Handedly Sabotaged The All Star Game

Let me throw in my usual caveat to start this blog off. No I don’t think all Cardinals fans suck. I actually have a ton of friends who are Cardinals fans and they’re completely reasonable, normal, passionate fans. If you can take a joke, if you think the “best fans in baseball” thing is awful then this blog isn’t about you. Instead it’s about the people who on one hand say they’re the classiest and the other make excuses for their pitcher sucking and call Jonathan Lucroy a scumbag sabotaging asshole. Those are my favorite people in the world. And yeah the Cubs haven’t won anything in blah blah blah. Think that hurts? We know we suck. We accept it. We own it. (Yes it still hurts a lot).

Anyway, with all of that said, here are the best Cardinal fans telling you why Jonathan Lucroy is to blame for Adam Wainwright being awful last night. Even have a little Neshek sprinkled in there as well. Final tally on the night for Cardinals pitchers. 1.1 ip, 5 unearned runs (all Jonathan Lucroy’s fault)

Clearly Lucroy wants to lose at all costs

List of real catchers in MLB 1. Yadi. 2. Yadi. 3. Yadi. 4. That other Molina who looks like Yadi.

Yadi also is a time traveler

One of my favorites. Waino the mastermind

Shit got you down in life? Things not going your way? #BlameLucroy

Could you imagine being a Brewers pitcher? Must suck having Lucroy place all your pitches in the worst spot.

Government conspiracy

Wait, maybe it’s not a conspiracy, maybe this is all in our heads? Nahhhh, definitely conspiracy.

Nope nope nope

Again, Waino, sneaky genius. Wouldn’t want those 20 pitches Lucroy sees to come back and haunt him.

Agreed. Unless you get voted into the All Star Game you don’t deserve to play in the All Star Game. Hey wait a minute!

At least this guy gives Lucroy a break. It’s not that Lucroy sucks, it’s that every non-Yadi catcher sucks.

I kind of like this one. Fuck it. Nothing to do with catching ability. Lucroy is just a fag.