I Have No Words For What Happened At Fenway On Sunday Night

Having gone through the last three days in this hell hole I can confidently say there is no way death is worse than what I just endured. There’s no way. You could not have scripted a worse weekend when I left for Boston with Jared on Friday morning. I’m left lifeless. I want to be able to spin this in some way positive, but I’d be lying to you. That killed me. The life that I gained in that 7th inning behind Shane Robinson’s amazing at bat, Xander’s error, and Giancarlo’s base hit was just a giant tease. The Baseball Gods wanted to make it as bad as humanly possible. They saw the twitter videos from Saturday and wanted to top it for some reason. They wanted to give me the possibility of avoiding a sweep and getting some momentum, and then proceeded to stab a goddamn samurai sword through my heart. I was nothing short of face-fucked this weekend by the Boston Red Sox and their fans and I tip my cap to them for making this the worst three days of my sports fandom career. Now I’ve suffered worse single losses for sure, but to be there in person and to experience it all first-hand, that’s what makes it the worst. This was porn for Red Sox, Mets, and whatever fan you are and I’m happy I could provide that joy for you. By saying I’m happy for you I wish the utmost pain for you in your future and I hope nothing but the worst. The pain I just suffered is indescribable. I walked past Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez after the game and brushed them away like they were a pair of homeless people. That’s how hollow my body is right now.

When people get upset when you say “we” when referring to your sports teams then I direct you to me and what I’m feeling right now. There are people that got knocked out at Rough N Rowdy last night who are in better shape than me. I did not sleep last night and instead just relived the horrors of what these two eyes witnessed this weekedn. I’m not looking for your sympathy because at the end of the day I get paid to do this and you do not so I win, but the torture I just went through was Murphy’s Law in full affect. Anything that could go wrong, went wrong.

Awful. The moment this went to extras and Johnathan Holder came in, it was over. They didn’t have a chance. It was over. Even if they got out of that 10th, Sonny Gray was warming up for the 11th. Truly unbelievable. Going from a 4-1 commanding victory to life seemingly being over in a matter of minutes. I was drinking Jason Varitek’s wife’s tears for the better half of this game. It was great.

Then my good luck charm vanished and it was all over. 9.5 games back of first. The A’s don’t lose and even having the first wild card spot is a question right now. Brutal. Gut-wrenching. Look out for the video tomorrow or Tuesday of my funeral in Fenway. You’ll all love it.

Death has to be better than this.

I miss Aaron Judge and Gary Sanchez.