Winnie The Pooh's Dick And Lack Of Pants Is No One's Concern But His

The Winnie the Pooh movie comes out today. I haven’t seen it because I’m knee-deep in a shift at the ole blogging factory and we dont clock out early, not even on a Friday in the summer. That being said, over the course of the last few weeks, I’ve seen many self-described Pooh fans (pooh crew) talking about Winnie’s pants. And for what? Why? Are you some kind of sick pervert where you need to see his cock or somethin? Are you trying to see his fluff and stuff? Gross!

Have you ever been in the forest with your pals and took your pants off? Of course you have. It’s god damn natural in nature! It’s hot and it’s a private forest. What does it matter if you are wearing your pants or not?

First time I ever went to Big Cat’s house (Cat Cave), he had a hatrack right by the door. Stella greeted me with a nice, cold lemonade and Dan told me to, “take off your pants and use the belt loop to hang them up on the hat rack.” I wasn’t wearing pants with loops because I was in basketball shorts but I placed those gently on the ground and made my way to the couch with my buttcheeks out for the world to see. Dan was partially undressed as well. We were comfortable. We were cooling off. We were men and it felt damn good.

That’s what’s happening with Pooh. Dude is a bear. He gets hot in the summertime. Why do you think he hibernates in the winter? BECAUSE IT’S FINALLY COOL ENOUGH FOR HIM TO SLEEP!

In short, stop saying Pooh needs to wear joggers. He doesnt even run so joggers would be ridiculous.

If you need a primer for the new movie, here’s the full-length version of the 1977 classic. Have a blast for the next hour and 17 minutes.

PS: Fuck Paddington and anybody who love em.