The Year Is 2018 And It's Time For Slap Boxing To Finally Take Off
Link to video if it doesn’t work on the site, dumbasses.
Here’s the thing. Slap boxing is perfect for a couple of different reasons. For starters, everybody is so concerned about severe head trauma these days. When Will Smith does a movie about something, you know we have a serious issue on our hands. The more we learn about CTE, the more that violent sports like football and real boxing are going to start to get phased out. But slap boxing? Well I feel like it’s pretty much impossible to suffer a concussion in slap boxing. Sure, you might get bitched around a little bit and end up with some red cheeks. Maybe you get titty slapped a bunch and your nipples are sore for the next week. But as far as concussions go? I think slap boxing seems like a relatively safe alternative.
Secondly–for the amount of slaps that are landed, these fights seem like they can go on much longer than any “real” boxing or MMA fight. Now maybe it’s just because these are a bunch of tough sons of bitches who don’t easily go down, but these dudes are landing slap after slap and they just eat that shit. You’re not going to waste your money by paying to see a 10-second knock out. It’s more bang for your buck. Which is perfect because think about going to any sort of professional sporting event these days. By the time you’re done paying for tickets, parking and food, you could have gone on a week long vacation with your family of 4. Shit ain’t cheap these days. But if you know you’re in for a show? That’s money worth spent right there. Basically what I’m getting at here is that slap boxing can save the American family by bringing everybody together instead of just watching the game from home while the kids play Fortnite and dad gets so drunk that he passes out on the chair before halftime.
So while I know I’ve been piping up lacrosse for quite sometime here now on the site, I think it is time to officially dub slap boxing as the Sport Of The Future. Plus it also looks like we can revive the career of Alex Semin.