Monday Homestretch

Markets closing early tomorrow, so will be half-day for most in the industry.  I never minded working on the half-days except for that one douchebag who would always bring in his fucking annoying kids.

I don’t want to work, and I don’t want to see my own kids… What makes you think I want to see yours?

Today, markets still being pushed around by trade war concerns, which literally “Trumps” the benign stat I pushed on Friday saying the market closes higher 85% of the time on the first day of Q3.  This year is in that other 15%, apparently.

Indexes have firmed up in the past hour, or so, and maybe we’ll rally later into the close, but I certainly won’t be paying attention.  I am heading downtown to some Kellogg’s place in Union Square for $20 bowls of cereal.  It’s one of my kids’ birthdays, and it will be a lot cheaper than the Sugar Factory.

Read a story on the main page today by a blogger here named “Coley Mick” about that giant pyramid in Memphis, and I am almost embarrassed I didn’t carve out a day to check that out while I was in Tennessee last week.

That thing is right in my fucking wheelhouse, and I missed it.

Not sure what else to write about today, so going to share a story from earlier that made me raugh-out-roud (ror)…

Took NJ Transit into Hoboken this morning.  I get the PATH from there into midtown.

I don’t know if there was some sort of heightened security alert issued by the state, but there were cops at every station, and patrolmen walking through the cars regularly.  One of them even stared me down a little, even though I was sharing my 3-seater with a guy who looked like he was on his way to a sleeper cell picnic.

I was tempted to tell the cop that the only thing I blow up is bathroom stalls.

To make matters a little more strange, there was some sort of drawbridge malfunction before Secaucus, so we were forced to sit on the tracks for maybe a half an hour.  The conductor came over the hoot multiple times with updates, gave passengers a heads up there was a bathroom car somewhere in the train, and kept the AC fucking blaring because it is Africa-hot out there today.

It’s unfortunate, but it seemed like there was nothing we could do but sit and wait. At least that is what 99% of the train felt, but there was one woman who felt different.  She was wearing a sundress with no bra, and she had the type of build that probably wasn’t optimum for sundresses, and certainly didn’t afford her the luxury of skipping bra-day.

This broad took real umbrage at the fact that we were delayed.  Stood up once or twice to openly voice her disgust: “I cant believe this is happening to me!”  She even took 2 opportunities to molest the ticket-taker as he passed through the car.

The first time he came through she asked where she could plug in her laptop, because even though the train is delayed “some people still have to work, ya know.”

He told her the outlets were against the outside wall in the middle 3 seaters… Which happened to be where I was sitting… And I immediately began to plan how I could summon up a solid enough stool to smear into the outlet so she would never get any juice.

The second time he passed through, she said, “Excuse me, but what are my options here?”…  We had been waiting for maybe 15 minutes at the time.

The NJTransit guy said, “I am sorry, miss, but really no options but to wait.”

And she replied, “What do you mean ‘no options’.  You cant keep me prisoner on this train.”

And he replied again, “Miss.  We are in a swamp.  There is a broken drawbridge ahead, and 3 trains in the same predicament directly behind us that cant just throw it in reverse.  Unless you brought boots, ma’am, there are no options but to wait like everyone else.”

Which made the whole car giggle.  And his answer plus our chuckle infuriated this clam even further, so she foolishly blurted out, “Well can I at least get a voucher?”

And then the whole car lost it.  The ticket taker actually burst out laughing along with us as he walked away.  Some Irish tourist openly pointed at her while loudly talking to his friend on the phone about this “coont” on the train.

A fucking voucher, like she just got bounced off a flight by United.

I guess the moral of the story is: You never want to be delayed on a train, but if you are, nothing passes the time and causes more commuter solidarity like some uppity bitch.

Take a report.

-Large