Nothing To See Here, Just A Drunk Guy Riding A Horse Into A Liquor Store

There aren’t many things in life better than people watching at the liquor store. Okay, I don’t know if the word “better” is the way to describe it. Maybe entertaining? I love trying to figure out the backstory of everyone while we literally pick our poison. The 20-something couple buying the cheap shit are clearly heading to a house party followed by what I imagine is a lively late night shouting match . The 45-year-old woman that smells like Parliaments loading up on Margarita mix and tequila is clearly about to have herself a night. And then there’s the guy that buys two handles for the weekend to go with the three nips for the way home that make you feel sad.

But my favorites are the wild cards. The people that are drunk, loud, or likely both that bring the party to the party juice store. Just wearing a cowboy hat in public makes you a wild card, let alone being drunk on a horse that also appears to be drunk. Excuse me, I don’t want to assume the horse’s drunkness in 2018. Maybe he didn’t know why the fuck he was in a liquor store and knocked his owner off because he’s a FUCKING HORSE. Even the humans with brains that can process a horse being in a liquor store couldn’t process a horse being in a liquor store.

But if you are crazy/drunk enough to bring a horse into a liquor store, you are crazy/drunk enough to get your horse drunk and ride him into a liquor store. And if you do that, you are apparently allowed to carry whatever you can fit in your arms out of the liquor store without paying. As you should be. Making sure a wild card is happy and leaves the store without messing with anyone is definitely an unwritten rule of the liquor store.