Dude Tried To Cure His Constipation By Shoving A Giant Eggplant Up His Ass

Shanghaiist- After suffering from abdominal pain and constipation for two days, one 50-year-old Chinese man decided that the best thing to do would be to shove a giant eggplant up his butt. Unsurprisingly, in the end, the enormous vegetable did little to solve the man’s problems, only making the pain and discomfort worse while also inducing nausea and vomiting. After another two days of this, he finally decided that it might be time to go to the hospital. At the hospital, he got an X-ray scan which showed that the aubergine was so large and had been shoved so far up his ass, that it was actually even causing damage to his lung.

Suuuuuuuuuuuuure bud. Constipation. That’s what it was. Wink wink. Constipation caused this fella to shove a GIANT (I actually don’t know if that’s a giant eggplant or not? All I know about eggplants is that they’re the universal emoji for dicks. That’s it. I have no sense of their real-life size. That could be a regular-sized eggplant) eggplant up his ass. Wink wink. Come on now. There was no constipation. This guy was just lonely. He felt a little lonely on a Friday night. So lonely to the point where the fruits and vegetables starting looking like good companions. Not there’s anything wrong with that. I can’t say I’ve never found myself in a similar position. Wait what? Nevermind. Anyway. Then, when the eggplant was stuck too far up in his guts, he didn’t know what to do. He panicked. He didn’t know how he’d explain such a peculiar situation to a bunch of medical professionals. So he quickly went on WebMD and looked up Reasons Why Someone Would Shove Something Up Their Ass and saw constipation. So that’s what he went with. Hey, it happens.